ajenn17
Fly buzzing all around you and won't stop?? Don't have a fly swatter handy?? Don't fret, newspaper is the next best thing!! Also doubles up as paper towels...you know, for the guts and stuff.
Shirley Hour
Name tags these days have horrible adhesion, especially if they are the kind that feel nice and thick.  You must either bring tape to functions that have these name tags or you must simply have skills for making name tags stay put.
ajenn17
Internet makes the world go round. Period.
Shirley Hour
Drama is a[n unfortunate] necessity of life.  No matter where you are, who you are with, and what you have experienced, it somehow always manages to insert itself into your life.
ajenn17
Stick to what you're good at. When you get rave reviews about your incredible talent, you should continue to pursue that talent because sometimes trying new things, just doesn't pay off.
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Shirley Hour
Like in the movies, the pupil--the protégée--will surpass the sensei.

Make sensei proud!  ^-^
ajenn17
Kids say the darnedest things! For example, you should not swear in front of a kid because they will say: "Don't say *insert expletive here*, it's a bad word!"
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Shirley Hour
What has been seen cannot be unseen.  The best way to avoid being caught is to never do the deed in the first place.  However, if the deed has been done, be sure to remove all signs of evidence!
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ajenn17
You can run on four hours of sleep and make a really productive day out of it. Although, it would not be best to do this continuously.
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Shirley Hour
Always make sure that your alarm is not only set for the correct time (AM/PM), but also set in the first place!  Otherwise, you'll be making a mad dash out the door to avoid being significantly late.
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ajenn17
When standing on a shuttle, it is NOT nice to place your arm pit in someone's face, as well as step on their toes. In the case that you do hover over someone in this manner, please where soft shoes as well a lot of deodorant.
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Shirley Hour
The surest way to know that the shameful know no bounds is to attend a college function, that is,an informal, free "party."  There, you'll see so-called "dancing" and many a drafty outfits!  A great place to observe and exercise the eyebrows!
ajenn17
When a door is closed, knock. Don't just randomly slide things under the door and have the person inside open the door and give you the "What the hell?" look.
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Shirley Hour
Just because you hear the question "Have you received your free [insert noun]?", do not pause or turn around interested.  If there isn't a crowd in front of the stall, it probably means there's a catch, and if you DID turn around interested and didn't want to apply for something, you'll hesitate before muttering and walking away awkwardly.
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ajenn17
Awkward situations may bring back the memories of what brought on the awkwardness. It may also bring some good laughs!
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Shirley Hour
Whenever you have two similarly labeled classes and one is canceled, be sure that you don't mix the two up.  Otherwise, you just caused yourself a lot of trouble...
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ajenn17
Living without a shower curtain can be tolerable. Living without a garbage bin can be manageable. Living without internet, a death penalty.
Shirley Hour
Even when you've managed to dodge a bullet, don't prance away and let your guard down.  Very rarely does an assassin only have one bullet.
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ajenn17
The first day of school is always stressful, don't make it more stressful by wearing five pounds of makeup and 5 inch heels to college...you won't be getting the looks that you were intending to get.
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Shirley Hour
Sometimes, less is more, especially when it concerns t-shirt designs that you want people to wear in public.  Compromise is the best solution to have a cluttered, clunky design.
ajenn17
Moving is a pain in the ass. You might be excited for a new setting, but once you crank out the muscles to move every single item you own...you might want to change your mind.
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Shirley Hour
The surest way to learn to cook is to live in an apartment in college without a meal plan.  If you decide to not cook, you will either have one of two choices:

1)  Continuously eat frozen/processed food to get clogged arteries and die fat
2)  While eating nothing and drinking only water, you will die skinny

So, yes, cooking seems like the most ideal option; it is potentially both healthy AND tasty!
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ajenn17
Being punctual is a very important and great attribute to have. Remember to carry this everywhere you go. Being punctual to class, social events, and meetings are important, but the most important thing of all is to be punctual to a flight home. If you're not punctual, you will definitely suffer the dire consequences.
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Shirley Hour
When playing foosball with an opponent who has nearly overtaken you, even using the "inferiority complex" may not lead you to success.  To ensure a victory for yourself, start chanting gibberish; it will cause your opponent to continuously laugh and be unable to see, aim, or do anything clearly.  Victory will be yours!
ajenn17
It may be 107 degrees outside, but parents will always find a reason to make you carry a jacket with you! Carry a big bag with you, that way people don't know what you're carrying inside.
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Shirley Hour
When attempting to surprise someone with streamers from wall-to-wall, be sure that BOTH ends are secured.  Otherwise, the next day, instead of appearing all "SURPRISE-Y!", your streamers will appear "pthbhtbtpp-y."
ajenn17
Don't be the last one sitting at the dinner table when eating dinner. Your parents will make you finish off everything on every plate stating: "You won't get a chance to eat this again!" or "It's not THAT much, you won't get fat!" 10 pounds later...Thanks parents!
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Shirley Hour
The best way for people to learn your name is, in fact, to NOT wear a name tag.  No creepy looks, no awkward stares, just a simple question of "What's your name [again]?"
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ajenn17
Hearing a phrase incorrectly can be hilarious!! Mostly when you repeat it because you think it's the correct term. Example: skype diaper. Correct term: sky diver.
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Shirley Hour
Never follow up the question "What year in school are you?" after "Are you an undergraduate or graduate student?" to an international student.  95% of the time, they will reply with "Yes," leaving you in a slightly awkward situation, 4% of the time, you will receive a blank stare, and 1% of the time, you will get a logical response.
ajenn17
If there is a tremendous sale, never buy things in bulk! Fight the temptation to buy what's left on the shelf, which could equal more than a lifetime supply of things. This will save you from sifting through mounds of supplies that will probably only collect dust in a box in the basement.
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Shirley Hour
If you often check your e-mail/Facebook/something along those lines, it's better to respond as soon as you see it rather than checking and saying "Oh, I'll reply to it later!"  This only leads to you having TONS of e-mails in your inbox and missing many important events and dates.  However, you do get to receive a lot of animosity and glares.
ajenn17
An older person may drive 25-30 mph even when the speed limit allows them to drive at 40 mph. You might get frustrated when other cars are zooming past you at what seems to be the speed of light, but you may get a thrill when they turn at an intersection at the same speed of 25-30 mph!
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Shirley Hour
When closing a building/assignment at a certain time, always know that there will be people who arrive at the last possible second.  As a result, never think you're free until the time has come and passed.
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ajenn17
When reading in a different language, always remember to place the correct accents...because if you don't you'll get a completely different word that isn't so serene and pretty.
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Shirley Hour
Volunteering is always good, especially if you're volunteering to make yourself a better person.  However, you should think not only about the end result (i.e. you managed to help someone and/or your skill in something has increased); you should also think about the process of getting there.  More often than not, the process is filled with many tribulations (read:  awkward situations).
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ajenn17
Older people can hang out until midnight in a downtown setting!! When the time does come, which it may be as often as Halley's Comet, cherish it and enjoy the time because you'll never know when you'll be out that late again!
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Shirley Hour
Once you're past the age of 12 or so, staying up late is no longer cool.  In fact, it becomes a terrible punishment.  12am?  1am?  2am?  7:30am?  What will your sleep time be at, if at all?
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ajenn17
Always take a GPS whenever you're driving somewhere, you'll never know when you'll need it! A wrong turn to find a street going East to West when in fact you're going parallel to that street, can lead you on a very long chase to find it.
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Shirley Hour
Even if you're afraid to ask something, for fear of it being a stupid question or request, ask it anyway.  You never know, sometimes good deeds DO go unpunished.

Plus, listening to a dramatic, instrumental song while typing the fateful e-mail helps:
ajenn17
You can still prank your friends even if you're a thousand miles away! Example: Wish that your friend doesn't know whether or not to touch black rubber on your car door. Pray that she does after a really hot day and therefore leaving some nice red marks on her hands for the next few hours! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Shirley Hour
How to tell a normal cutscene from a real ending:

"Oh, is this the real ending yet? Oh, wait, nope. Their hair isn't fancy yet. They're still in blobs."

(At least, in reference to Square Enix games) 
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ajenn17
If you want to scare someone and cause them to be restless all night, let loose a quarter sized spider in their room. It will for sure keep them alert and disgusted as they hope and pray that the eight legged creature does not fall into their mouth as they sleep.
Shirley Hour
When you offer someone food and they respond with "No thanks.  I don't want to eat anything," do not reply with "Oh, will you finish my cheese then?"

In case you did not know, cheese is still food.  Bacteria-ridden, yes, but still food.
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ajenn17
It's a little ironic when internet service companies offer an online chat line for those who are having problems with the internet...99.999% of problems with internet must deal with the internet NOT working...That's some damn good online chatting service!

Shirley Hour
When asking for math help--or any kind of homework help for that matter--from a parent, be sure that you have sealed off all possible escape routes.  Otherwise, a comical chase shall ensue and you will most likely lose your prey.
ajenn17
Don't overwork yourself the first day you hit the gym after a very long time away. You don't want to scare yourself away from the gym, let someone else do the job for you!
Shirley Hour
When paranoid that something will happen (e.g. that creepy crawly feeling on your leg is a bug) DO double check to make sure it isn't what you feared.  Don't assume that you're just paranoid.  Otherwise, your reaction may wake/startle an entire household.
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ajenn17
Don't read a intense thriller book during the night when the wind is howling outside your window and leaves are rustling against the pane. It might give you unwanted chills!
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Shirley Hour
The surest way to judge a person's gender is by examining their feet.  It doesn't matter how stunning they look, how many strategically placed lumps they have, or how they walk.  If they have humungo feet, they're quite likely to be a male.
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ajenn17
Having a layover for 3 hours at an airport can be really boring when you are traveling alone. To lessen the boredom, take a walk on the escalator, browse the books and check to see which celebrities have broken up with whom and what nose job has been done! That'll keep you entertained as well as help you get some exercise in!
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Shirley Hour
When driving and seeing a creature cross the road, yelling in the car with the windows closed does not alert the creature in any way at all.  The only thing this results in is an increase in your heart rate as well as causing your passenger(s) to go deaf.
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ajenn17
Never let the nervousness of taking a final make your worst fear come true. Example: When driving to school, you may think: "What would happen if I accidentally locked my keys in the car?" and then quickly forget about it. Until the very last day of school, the very last final. You have the fear again, but as you stepped out and hastily close your locked door, you stare into your window to see the keys glimmering and laughing at your failure. Don't let this failure bleed into your final!
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Shirley Hour
Whenever you are paranoid that something will happen in a certain timespan (e.g. locking your keys in the car), never think that you are safe until that time span is over.  Otherwise, you're just tempting Fate, and Fate will give in to temptation.  See August-Lesson 10.

DOUBLE LESSON!

When wanting to print out an e-mail without printscreening or highlighting everything, be sure to examine all the available buttons.  It helps.
ajenn17
You might feel cruddy after taking a final. You might see your not so A(sian) standard score and feel even worse about it. You might even think that Mother Nature is plotting something against you with her pellets of rain and thunderous roars, but never lose a glint of hope that a big fat A (as in grades..) will show up on your report card!
Shirley Hour
Sweets, caffeine, and other edible things may be just what you need for entertainment.  No, not "chubby bunnies."  Simply feed someone more than their usual intake of such things and they will, quite simply, go over the edge.  They will being to giggle incessantly, twitch continuously, and spout out sayings faster than a meme generator.
ajenn17
Listen to what your momma told you. You may not like or agree to what she said in the moment, but always keep her sayings in the back of your mind. It will save you from punching someone in the gonads.
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Shirley Hour
When sayings backfire....
(and why you should go to college) 
ajenn17
When stating that you will do something, you should always follow through with it. Just make sure that all other bases have been cover and no one can find your tracks to your wonderful deeds!
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Shirley Hour
Sedentary lifestyle?  Do the following steps to presto change-o!:

1)  Find a kitchen island with ample room to run around
2)  Have a dog that will follow you, especially as you run faster and faster
3)  Have at least one more person trying to catch a glimpse of the dog as the dog chases you while you run away from the dog
4)  Repeat until exhausted/breathless from laughter
ajenn17
Refrain from hitting others while they are being immature during biology class when the topic of reproduction is at hand. You might stop them from reproducing all together.
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Shirley Hour
Whenever using a site that limits bandwidth, always make sure that others are not streaming/downloading from the same site as you (e.g. Megavideo).  You may both be confused by why your time is suddenly up when you know that you (alone) haven't reached the limit.